7 Tips that will help you listen to your spouse I don’t know about you, but sometimes I have a really hard time listening to my spouse. Say what? Ya, the most important person in my life is not always the person I listen to. I am not sure why we take the people that we most love for granted. Here are a few steps I have learned from my marriage in listening to my spouse. Now hopefully these will sink in and I will actually implement these steps in our relationship.
1. Stop what you are doing when your spouse is talking and actually listen.
2. If you *do* listen to and remember things that other people tell you (boss, friends, colleagues), then it's probably safe to assume that your forgetting is what we psychologists call motivated forgetting - i.e., that you are actively refusing to listen and/or are forgetting important things for a reason. If this is true, you should sort out what the reason is – Sometimes you need the help of a therapist to do this. But a lot of time you can do this by yourself, but not always easy. Do you have a reason to not listen to your spouse?
3. Drop any pre-conceived notions of what your spouse wants, needs, or is concerned about so that you're forced to listen to what he/she is actually saying. Ya… I am guilty of this. I think I know what he is going to say, or what he wants and then stop listening because frankly… I know it all… when in reality… I know NOTHING!!!!
So, stop assuming that you know what your spouse is talking about.
4. Write stuff down! This helps a ton when you have a million things on your mind. When you both try to schedule something, write it down in your calendar, PDA, or whatever. Read it back to him/her to make sure you got it right. Ask him/her to help you by telling you to grab your calendar before you guys start planning anything.
5. Try meditation. You might laugh, but this actually does help. When life gets to busy, it is nice to regroup and focus. This helps me listen to others because I have centered myself.
6. Use tricks of memorization to remember things. The first step is usually to pay full attention. The next is understanding and comprehension. Then try to repeat or paraphrase what you have heard and understood.
7. A good way to show you're listening is to ask, "Let me see if I got this: (repeat repeat repeat)" or " (paraphrase paraphrase) ? Gotcha." Then, to actually remember a plan or a date, mark it in a calendar, an organizer, a slip of paper, anything. Sometimes seeing the information helps you remember it more.
About this Author: De Kinsey is the co-owner/manager of LIFE 1010™. She worked as a licensed residential and commercial escrow officer for over 5 years. This experience helped her learn how to analyze and understand legal documents and translate them in a way the general public could understand. De Graduated from Utah Valley University in Psychology and in Community Health Science. She understands how a person’s psyche and personal health can have positive and/or negative impact on their LIFE and financial well being. She brings this knowledge into the LIFE 1010™ program.
1. Stop what you are doing when your spouse is talking and actually listen.
2. If you *do* listen to and remember things that other people tell you (boss, friends, colleagues), then it's probably safe to assume that your forgetting is what we psychologists call motivated forgetting - i.e., that you are actively refusing to listen and/or are forgetting important things for a reason. If this is true, you should sort out what the reason is – Sometimes you need the help of a therapist to do this. But a lot of time you can do this by yourself, but not always easy. Do you have a reason to not listen to your spouse?
3. Drop any pre-conceived notions of what your spouse wants, needs, or is concerned about so that you're forced to listen to what he/she is actually saying. Ya… I am guilty of this. I think I know what he is going to say, or what he wants and then stop listening because frankly… I know it all… when in reality… I know NOTHING!!!!
So, stop assuming that you know what your spouse is talking about.
4. Write stuff down! This helps a ton when you have a million things on your mind. When you both try to schedule something, write it down in your calendar, PDA, or whatever. Read it back to him/her to make sure you got it right. Ask him/her to help you by telling you to grab your calendar before you guys start planning anything.
5. Try meditation. You might laugh, but this actually does help. When life gets to busy, it is nice to regroup and focus. This helps me listen to others because I have centered myself.
6. Use tricks of memorization to remember things. The first step is usually to pay full attention. The next is understanding and comprehension. Then try to repeat or paraphrase what you have heard and understood.
7. A good way to show you're listening is to ask, "Let me see if I got this: (repeat repeat repeat)" or " (paraphrase paraphrase) ? Gotcha." Then, to actually remember a plan or a date, mark it in a calendar, an organizer, a slip of paper, anything. Sometimes seeing the information helps you remember it more.
About this Author: De Kinsey is the co-owner/manager of LIFE 1010™. She worked as a licensed residential and commercial escrow officer for over 5 years. This experience helped her learn how to analyze and understand legal documents and translate them in a way the general public could understand. De Graduated from Utah Valley University in Psychology and in Community Health Science. She understands how a person’s psyche and personal health can have positive and/or negative impact on their LIFE and financial well being. She brings this knowledge into the LIFE 1010™ program.
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